Accepting ourselves, others, and circumstances negatively impacting on us is a fairly challenging task for many of us. To remain accepting, loving and open often doesn't come easy. Hate and resentment can feel natural, yet as we mature these qualities often reveal who they really hurt the most: us.

Unless we act out our hate and resentment toward others, we never really touch others with those emotions. To believe otherwise is a form of magical thinking. We feel those feelings not the persons we hate or resent.

The process of overcoming hate and resentment and drawing on forgiveness can open us to pain and free our spontaneous acceptance and love.

THE FORGIVENESS EXERCISE

(1) LEFT NASAL DOMINANCE BREATHING. For the entirety of this exercise gently pinch your right nostril shut and breathe through your left nostril only. Place your right thumb on over your right nostril and insert the next two fingers into the notch between your nose and upper lip. This will facilitate imagery and feeling.

(2) Is there a person(s), yourself, or an event you would desire to forgive? Jot down who or what it is on a piece of paper. What beliefs about this person(s), myself or event create my feelings of hate and resentment. Examine those beliefs you jotted down and then move to the next step.

(3) If another person(s) were involved, what were the influences of their beliefs, feelings, and behaviors on the circumstances that led to my chosing to hate or resent these persons?
Would I have acted the same as that person(s) if I had the exact same beliefs, motivations, and feelings as they did under mirror conditions? Would I have made the same choices given their inner life and external circumstances? Basically we are stepping into another's shoes here and assuming their viewpoint. Spend some time with this step.

(4) Can I find other elements to blame other than myself, somone else, or circumstances?
Jot down a potential list of other potential targets for blame. Weather. Bad food. Gravity. Having wrong information. Turns in highway. Can you blame the entire universe or just let go of blame altogether?

(5) Was the transgression that the person or yourself did--was it intentional or unintentional?

(6) Suddenly an alteration in time occurred to your surprise. You are looking back from 10 years in the future and you are noting you have already accepted and forgiven yourself, others, or circumstances which you once hated and resented. What would you notice first about your accepted and forgiven self, other, or circumstances? What other positive things would you notice? How might you feel better?

(7) If you abruptly experienced forgiveness and acceptance for another or yourself, how long would that take before it felt natural? How would you know the forgiveness felt natural?

(8) Take your palm and gently percuss 30 times the webbing between your thumb and next two fingers while you say aloud with conviction: "I forgive _____________."

(9) If there is any stuck hate or resentment they can be targets for clearing.

Copyright Steve Mensing